so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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