I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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