Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
