I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
