honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
