Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
