so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
