I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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