yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
