i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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