she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
