the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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