i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
