You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
