at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
