No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
