i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
