remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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