i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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