He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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