She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
