and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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