This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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