I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
