Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
