i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
