Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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