i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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