Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
