dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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