This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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