Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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