While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
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Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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