Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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