how do flat chested girls get laid?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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