hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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