It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
