Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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