Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
