well I can't set my house on fire every night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize