I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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