Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
