They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
