Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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