you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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