dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
