I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
