Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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