I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
