Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
