Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
