Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
