Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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