you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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