Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
