every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
