He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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