I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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