dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize