i barfeds in our rink
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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