the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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