so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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