worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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