I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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