don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
