brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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