I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
