State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Bring me that man meat
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
