im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
