it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
