these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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