So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
