Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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