i think my tv is drunk
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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