I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
