i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize