I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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